Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?
Recently, the Spanish men’s (and women’s) Olympic basketball squads paid their respects to their Chinese hosts by being photographed pulling their eyes into a slanted position so they could look more like their Chinese hosts. Not to be outdone, the Argentine women’s Olympic soccer (football, for any European readers) team also posed in a slant-eyed photo.
The Spaniards have defended the photographs, saying the pictures were intended to be “funny” and “never offensive.” As of press time, the Argentine Olympic Commission had not returned my calls. OK, ‘Puter didn’t really call the Argentines, but it sounded good.
‘Puter hates, hates, hates political correctness, as it’s too frequently used as a substitute for thoughtful consideration of the many aspects of each situation. However, in this instance, a P.C. approach and a thoughtful analysis approach come to the same conclusion: it’s not OK to make fun on immutable physical characteristics of others. Not even close to O.K.
Let’s apply the Spanish defense to some different situations, shall we?White folks performing minstrel shows in black face? Juan Carlos says A.O.K.! Making fun of wide-eyed Down Syndrome kids? Fine with Isabel.
Spain and Argentina should apologize to the Chinese. The Chinese should accept the apology. And the world should move on.
Until the next time.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.