Get Thee Behind Me, Union!
Michelle Rhee, chancellor of the D.C. Public School System has told the teachers union local “It’s on.”
Steven Pearlstein of the Washington Post pens a story that ‘Puter wishes he could write about his local school district. And, best of all, Mr. Pearlstein gets it. Unions benefit the teachers, not the students, and in fact impede education.
Ms. Rhee has gone to the bargaining table with a proposal to end lifetime tenure and seniority based pay. Predictably, the union hates the idea, and has stalled negotiation. However, the tables are turning.
‘Puter is stunned, having witnessed firsthand the absolute dysfunction of the D.C. government under Mayor -for-Life Marion Barry, but the City Council and Mayor Adrian Fenty (D-DC) support her quest to fundamentally change teachers’ work terms.
National unions are watching this closely and fear that this may be their Waterloo. ‘Puter says it’s about danged time.
Godspeed, Ms. Rhee. ‘Puter wishes you the mad skillz of local D.C. hero Jhoon Rhee in your quest to beat down the unions. As yet unborn D.C. public school students wish you well in your quest to ensure that they will finally receive an education on par with those the best local suburban systems can offer.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.