‘Puter humbly attempts to expand on a small point in OEV’s outstanding commentary on the Crisis in the Caucasus.
The United States continually analyzes what wars are acceptable and which are not, which interventions are acceptable and which are too dear. We hear impassioned pleas on both sides of any issue, as well as too much snark and too many ad hominem attacks. The one issue at the heart of these discussions that ‘Puter has never seen dissected in the public arena (excluding think tanks) is: What is the United States’ national interest generally?
‘Puter’s quick take is that at its most basic, the national interest is that our country exist in prosperity and in peace, and that this state be maintained through any means at our disposal. After that, there is much divergence. And, courses of conduct dictated through application of our national interest necessarily change based on factors present at the time of application.
Domestically, ‘Puter argues that our national interest at its most basic requires a minimum of government intrusion into the affairs of business and citizens. This does not mean a libertarian hands off approach, but it does require the government staying out of everyone’s way to the greatest extent possible. Excessive regulation and attempts to “fix market captialism” are right out.
More to the point, how does this current Caucasian Crisis impact our consideration of the national interest? If we resolve to live in peaceful prosperity, it seems we are left with two alternatives. Confront Russia militarily on their home turf, or isolate the Bear internationally. At this moment in time, military confrontation is not feasible for any number of reasons (overextended troops, war fatigue, budgetary constraints, etc.). Isolation of Russia politically, economically and militarily is our best bet.
‘Puter would strengthen alliances with our existing friends by expanding economic and military ties with them. This may include transferring technology that will put us on a collision course with Russia and/or China. It will also include spending tons of cash. One of the least noted, but in ‘Puter’s opinion greatest, achievements of the Bush (II) administration has been solidifying ties with India. India is an essential counterweight to Chinese and Russian influence in the East.
The United States will also have to militarily make its point in short order as well, at a time and in a place of its choosing, likely in a proxy context. Failure to confront bullies only emboldens them.
America has taken the short view for too long. We need to take a significantly longer term view in order to deal with the gathering storms of an expansionist Russia and an emboldened China. Protect and reward our friends, work strongly to thwart our enemies, and in doing so advance our national interest: peace and prosperity for all Americans.
This is too broad a topic to be dealt with fully herein, so ‘Puter may need to revisit it at a later date.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.
