Bad News For the Little Guy

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that the gubbamint is preparing to take over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Hold on to your wallets. Years of mismanagement and borderline fraudulent accounting practices, coupled with an implicit federal guarantee of Fannie and Freddie’s debt has put the taxpayer on the hook for this quasi-private mess.

Check out the chart to the right. Over the past year, Fannie has plunged from about $66.00 per share to about $7.25 per share. Private shareholders took the upside, taxpayers are left holding the bag.

Nothing good will come of this. The best result is a quick gubbamint liquidation of Fannie and Freddie’s holdings on the open market, no matter the loss to the shareholders (you and ‘Puter, thanks the the feds’ largesse). ‘Puter thinks that the gubbamint is not that smart and will try to run the fiasco itself, thereby putting the taxpayers on the hook for even greater liability.

‘Puter returns to his ever helpful question: name one thing the gubbamint runs better than private enterprise? Just saying, is all.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.