It’s Official
Politics am stupid. And, for a change, much of the stupidity is coming from the Democrats.
In a gaffe that a fourth grader running for class president would’ve seen coming, the Obamessiah is quoted as saying “you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.”
McCain’s camp (shrewdly) responds that this is obviously sexist because lipstick = Palin, because she’s the only woman on either ticket. Therefore, Obama is insinuating that Palin must be a pig. Admittedly, the logic is convoluted, but McCain’s claim keeps the focus on Obama and makes Obama look like a bully. ‘Puter thinks this entire dustup is silly, and ‘Puter is no fan of Obama. Even if Obama intended to link Palin to the pig in his comments, it doesn’t seem beyond the pale to ‘Puter. Palin’s trying to become Vice President of the United States, where, if elected, she’ll be called far worse by the press alone. ‘Puter thought Obama’s remarks were clever and cutting, but ‘Puter knew when he heard the words, it was going to hurt Obama.
Following up the stupidity, ‘Puter’s legally blind governor David Patterson made the moronic statement that community organizer = racist code for black. Therefore, if anyone mentions Obama’s experience as a community organizer, that person is racist, surreptitiously calling attention to Obama’s ethnicity. OK. ‘Puter thinks he understands. Referring to a person’s past job title is racist code. So it’s now out of bounds to refer to Obama as a United States Senator? Even trying to understand this logic makes ‘Puter dumber.
November 5, 2008 cannot come soon enough.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.