We're A Bunch of Selfish Babies

You want to know who’s really responsible for this economic crisis? Look in the mirror. See that handsome chap/fetching lass staring back at you? It’s all his/her fault. I want more, I want it now and I don’t care what it’s going to ultimately cost. Screw paying cash, or saving up, or foregoing the purchase altogether. I want it now, and consarnit, I’ll put myself in hock to get it!

George Will speaking this morning on This Week with George Stephanopolous commented on exactly this topic. Briefly, Mr. Will stated that the inability to delay gratification is a sign of childishness. Mr. Will implied that the current state of America in all sectors is a direct result of the infanitilization (whether government or self inflicted) of the American public.

The average American savings rate? For the last four quarters, it averages about 1% of disposable income. And check out this terrifying series of charts. Americans now carry nearly as much debt as the entire GDP of the United States in the most current year. For all households, just under 20% of income goes to pay debt. The ratio of household debt to income? About 1.3. How much revolving consumer credit is outstanding? At the end of July 2008, about $963 billion. How much is that? Assuming 350 million Americans, it’s about $2,750 for each man, woman and child in our country. Family of four? You owe about $11,000. Non revolving consumer debt is $1.609 trillion. Running the same math, that’s about $4,600 per capita, or $18,400 for a family of four. How about the national debt? That’s about $9.85 trillion, or $28,140 per capita or $112,500 for a family of four.

So, America’s inability to be fiscally prudent has the average American in debt for a total of $35,940 of self and government inflicted debt. And this only accounts for the principal of the debt, not the rapidly accruing interest. Assuming an all-in debt of the types discussed herein of $12.4 trillion and an annual rate of interest of 6%, debt service is $745.3 billion, or $2,130 per capita. And this assumes no further borrowing. So, just to tread water, we have to each pay $2,130 annually.

Living beyond our means has finally caught up with us, and it’s no one’s fault but our own. Sleep well, and remember when you’re complaining about the economy, it’s not just Wall Street that caused this mess, it’s that face staring back at you in the mirror as well.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.

The Gormogons

We’re A Bunch of Selfish Babies