So your Œcumenical Volgi is comfortably ensconced on his couch watching football—an unaccustomed luxury lo these last few years. So then comes on an NFL commercial (odd, I know, one is already watching their product), and the tag-line is a cover version of a Morrissey song from 1988, the incorrectly spaced “Everyday is Like Sunday.” So the guy warbles “Every day is like Sunday…” and your Volgi is boggling at where this is going, but they wisely cut it off at the end of the line, making the Volgi laugh, as he was expecting to hear either a total rewrite (…Every day is Brett Favre hype day…) or, however unlikely, the following lament of a survivor of a nuclear war:

Every day is like Sunday
Every day is silent and gray
Hide on a promanade
Etch on a postcard
How I dearly wish I was not here
In the seaside town
That they forgot to bomb
Come, come, nuclear bomb!

This is not, incidentally even the best deceptive recut of a Morrissey or Smiths song, or in the case of the winner, a cover of one. That belongs to the Richard “Psychedelic Fur” Butler band Love Spit Love’s cover of “How Soon is Now?” as heard in the film The Craft and as the theme song for the long-running cute-good-witches-in-San-Francisco chick show Charmed.

In it, you hear a weak imitation of Johnny Marr’s amazing vibrato guitar chord, followed by what sound like great pagan-Druidic cult lyrics:

I am the sun and the air…

Of course, this is a brilliant exercise in homophony (no, that’s not a fake gay person). The actual lyrics go:

I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
And son and heir of nothing in particular

Everyday is Like Sunday:

How Soon is Now?

Love Spit Love cover of How Soon is Now?

And just ’cause, here’s a cover by Russian lesbian-schoolgirl-chic pop band t.A.t.U. Because your day wasn’t weird enough until now. (It’s kind of a less-talented Björk vocal. You are warned.)

(And it’s “Asleep” for Ambien®!)

Confucius, Œc. Vol.

Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.