(Gay) Unions
For the love of Pete. Literally.
‘Puter hates unions, particularly public sector ones. Here’s another stunning example of why.
Can even the biggest union hack tell ‘Puter with a straight face that the lack of gay marriage is the most pressing workplace issue facing American workers? ‘Puter had little respect for teachers’ unions before, but this has erased what little respect was left.
Can you imagine bringing union organizers to today from the early part of the 20th century? Those guys were concerned with very real safety conditions in mines, steel mills and garment factories. The old time union leaders were concerned about patently insufficient wages and excessive work hours. ‘Puter thinks that the New Deal went way too far in granting unions rights vis a vis management, but the old union leaders had real, pressing, legitimate workplace issues. They’d be stunned that working conditions had gotten so good for unionized workplaces that the unions had time to worry about non-workplace issues.
Regardless of one’s opinion on gay marriage, ‘Puetr thinks that all parties should agree that unions, using mandatory dues, should not be involved in issues that in no way relate to workplace conditions.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.