Obama’s Nightmare Cabinet
Assuming an Obama win, many conservatives think that an Obama administration may be one of the most destructive to conservative principles since FDR’s halcyon court-packing years. I pose the following challenge to my fellow Gormogons.
Pick a cabinet position in a hypothetical Obama administration and fill it with the person you believe conservatives would least like to see in that position. Defend your selection as uniquely horrible. You must wait until the other two Gormogons have picked to pick again.
Since ‘Puter picked the game, ‘Puter gets to go first. ‘Puter selects Secretary of Defense, and to fill the cabinet position, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH). As those who have been paying attention may know, Rep. Kucinich ran for president this time around. You didn’t know? Well, neither did most voters.
Why would Kucinich be a horrible Secretary of Defense? Oh, maybe because Kucinich has introduced legislation to create a cabinet level Department of Peace and Nonviolence. Also, Kucinich, like conservative favorite President James E. Carter, claims to have seen UFOs.
On the downside, Kucinich is a far left peacenik who sees things that don’t exist. On the upside, the First Lady of Defense is smokin’ hot.
Volgi? GorT? You’re up.
* The cabinet level positions are: Agriculture, Commerce, Defense, Education, Energy, Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development, Interior, Justice, Labor, State, Transportation, Treasury and Veterans’ Affairs.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.