The Other Fairness Doctrine
When Newt Gingrich (R-GA) and the newly elected republican majority entered Congress in 1995 with the “Contract for America”, they also authored rules that provided for the minority party’s opposition to be heard and acted upon. This included the ability for the minority party to offer alternative legislation. Fast forward to the present day, when we have a president-elect proclaiming the need to work together to solve this nation’s problems and we have rumorings of Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) attempting to rewrite these rules. Congressional committee chairs would have no term limits and the minority would be locked out. “This leadership team will create the most honest, most open, and most ethical Congress in history” (Speaker-Elect Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Press Release, November 16, 2006). Uh huh. Ok.
GorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including subsidizing this website. Some of the products he has introduced from the future include oven mitts, the Guinness widget, Oxy-Clean, and Dr. Pepper. Due to his immense cybernetic brain, GorT is able to produce a post in 0.023 seconds and research it in even less time. Only ’Puter spends less time on research. GorT speaks entirely in zeros and ones, but occasionally throws in a ڭ to annoy the Volgi. He is a massive proponent of science, technology, and energy development, and enjoys nothing more than taking the Czar’s more interesting scientific theories, going into the past, publishing them as his own, and then returning to take credit for them. He is the only Gormogon who is capable of doing math. Possessed of incredible strength, he understands the awesome responsibility that follows and only uses it to hurt people.