Don’t Jesus Up My Science, Texas
Hey, you got your Jesus in my science! No, you got your science in my Jesus! Two great things that don’t go great together. Necessarily.
Texas is the current battleground for the bogus “creationism is science” debate. Texas is refusing to accredit a fundamentalist institution that wants to issue a master’s degree in creationism. A Texas legislator has introduced legislation that will prevent Texas from regulating higher education degrees in order to permit this institution to issue its bogus degree.
There is no debate. Creationism is not science. Creationism is faith. Science is a discipline in which reason and verifiable data rule. Faith is a belief system that requires us to suspend reason at times.
Examples. Science states that no matter how much a Catholic priest blesses the bread and wine offered at Mass, it does not become the literal body and blood of Christ. Faith holds that, despite all evidence to the contrary, when a Catholic priest blesses bread and wine at Mass, it does in fact become the body and blood of Christ. Irreconcilable results, one supported by reason, the other by faith.
Science shows that evolution is verifiable based on data and reason. Science shows that creationism is falsifiable based on data and reason.
Creationism is supported only as a belief, and that’s fine for its adherents. But it is not science, and the debate over it must not be permitted to blur the distinction between faith and reason.
Heck, even the hidebound Catholic Church holds that the theory of evolution is compatible with the notion that God created the heavens and the earth.
‘Puter’s going to Mass with his Darwin/Jesus Fish proudly displayed on his 1972 puke green Dodge Swinger, and if the fundamentalists don’t like it, they can take their benighted rear ends out back and pound sand.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.