China seems to have developed a tradition in which she welcomes a new US president by trying to provoke a military incident with the United States.

The first President Bush had to address the June 1989 Tiananmen massacre, which severely (but briefly) tested his resolve against Chinese anti-democratic policies. Welcome, Mr. President.

And President Clinton, starting in 1992 and continuing for years thereafter, faced a series of Chinese threats (many quite serious) against Taiwan, until he ultimately confused them with a goofy series of tough talks on human rights and favored nation status tactics that was seen by China as a logical retreat.

Most of us still remember the 2001 Hainan Island collision between a Navy EP-3E and a Chinese J-8II fighter that led to Bush’s first diplomatic test, only three months into office. The American resolve set back Chinese ambitions for the last 8 years: let us not, the sage man reasons, mess with Texas.

Yesterday, Chinese fishing vessels—or so they have been described—harrassed an unarmed US Navy sonar mapping ship. In order to repel the Chinese craft, some of which came within 25 feet (practically collision distance on the high seas), the US Navy used firehoses on the fishermen. The Czar believes this to be the first test of POTUS Obama for two reasons: now is a particularly bad time for Obama with all his other domestic distractions, and China is clearly interested in extending her definition of territorial waters well beyond that allowed by international law.

This is an event not to be taken lightly by either the Departments of State or Defense. Mr. President, the Chinese, as always, expect an immediate answer. The Czar suggests you threaten to call off your April visit; no Chinese leader can stomach international embarrassment. Simple, no bullets fired, and they will understand your position clearly that we will not be pushed.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.