¿Quien Es Mas Loco?
¿California o Nueva York?
Just like contestants in the old SNL skit unable to determine which Latino star was more manly, ‘Puter’s got no earthly idea as to which state is more massively screwed up.
As John Lott notes over at his blog, amidst the worst budget crisis in recent memory, California continued to hire more state workers, ending the year with more than it started. Leaving aside for the moment the fact that it’s moronic to continue to increase labor costs as your revenues plummet, there’s something even more mind numbingly stupid at work. California has a hiring freeze on.
Wow, ‘Puter, California’s surely got New York beat, you say. Ah, not so fast my young friend. Check out this story in The Buffalo News. It seems the fine folks in Albany spending ‘Puter’s tax dollars managed to add 31,684 jobs (mostly union) to the state payroll last year. Nevermind that Wall Street had tanked and conservative projections forecast a $15 billion shortfall. New York also has a hiring freeze on.
So, again, ‘Puter asks “¿Quien es mas loco? ¿California? O Nueva York.”
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.