As the North Korean missile crisis continues, POTUS Obama has received assurances from Hu Jintao that not only would China consider a North Korean missile launch provocative, but gave signals that China would not oppose interception should the missile deviate in any fashion from its marketed flight path.

The North Koreans claim the missile—a sleek, warhead like thing presently aimed straight at Japan—is merely a communications satellite, apparently to support the widespread use of cell phones and wireless internet freely available to the citizens of North Korea doing their online day trading from any number of Pyongyang coffee bistros.

Japan has announced that she will call an emergency meeting of the UN Security Council (in the Czar’s opinion, to play Mystery Date given the useless role UNSC contributes to world peace) to discuss possible responses to a successful North Korean missile launch.

In response, North Korea has countered that she will retailiate with a “thunderbolt of fire…to key targets” that would probably include Japan, South Korea, American warships presently gathered in the area, but more likely anything they can hit.

The Czar has received information from his okhrana that Japan is executing Secret Mystery Reponse X-1 to intercept and destroy the North Korean missile. Response X-1, shown in this surveillance photo, has significant capability to do just that, according to Muscovy intelligence analysis.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.