Evil Is As Evil Does - The Gormogons

Controversial late term abortion provide Dr. George Tiller was reportedly gunned down at church services in Kansas this morning.

‘Puter has no truck for Dr. Tiller. Dr. Tiller was a willing participant in one of the greatest moral evils of our time: killing babies undeniably able to live outside the womb. Unrelatedly, ‘Puter finds it interesting that a Christian congregation accepted a late term abortion provider as a member, but that’s for another time.

‘Puter also loathes the bastard who gunned Dr. Tiller down. ‘Puter’s going out on a limb here, but the killer is probably a “Christian” white male, content to go to prison in service of a “holy” cause. Killing another human being who does not pose an immediate threat of death or great bodily harm to you is evil. Civilized humans use the law, not vigilantism, to settle even the most divisive matters. Resorting to violence damages our society, and not coincidentally, the pro-life cause.

Both individuals involved here are killers. Both are morally reprehensible. And God in His infinite wisdom will stand in judgment of both.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.