Your Czar and Your Mandarin have a conversation:

A tasteless title up there, but the Czar could not get it out of his head any other way.

Your inscrutable Mandarin and your Czar were surprised that what should really be a classified piece of DoD information got out to the public: that the United States has a full contingency plan to secure Pakistan’s entire nuclear arsenal in the event the Taliban come uncomfortably close to taking over the country.

This is good news, and indeed the Czar and the Mandarin developed a similar plan of their own in 2000, using the Czar’s massive military muscle, the Mandarin’s wily inscrutability, and plenty of advanced, futuristic hardware from GorTechie.

The Mandarin, upon reviewing the American plans, commented that this is not terribly surprising, because when it comes to nuclear weapons, American policy is one of “equally happy to drop off or pick up.” The Czar agrees, and thinks that Pakistan—not very comfortable with the confidence of American claims that we can shut down their entire nuclear readiness whenever we want—is getting a fairly good deal here. Better us than someone else, eh?

The Mandarin then posited that this news could really put a smile on the faces of almost one billion Indian neighbors to the South, and then wondered if this could potentially provide India an opportunity to go bhārat on Pakistan by pushing toward Kashmir. After all, the Mandarin muses, with no Pakistani arsenal to deter them, it would be a great time.

The Czar agrees it would be the best time, but is now thinking the scenario a bit unlikely. India has found any shooting conflicts with Pakistan a bloody mess—long before either side had atoms. Pakistan’s military, even without nukes and even with the Taliban struggles to the North, is still a viable army.

However, the Czar concedes, by the time the US swooped in to grab the nukes, Pakistan’s army would need to be virtually shattered, with most of their teeth knocked out. So in that scenario, maybe Kashmir would be an irresistable prize to India. After all, as much as some Kashmiri must hate India, anything would be better than the Taliban, right?

And that is why India must restrain herself. As tempting (and profitable) as such a situation would be to India, the prize of grabbing Kashmir is nothing compared to the cost of losing Pakistan to the Taliban. If anything, India should be thinking about what she can do to help Pakistan against a common—and significant—enemy.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.