CHICAGO – Chicago White Sox front office spokesman Scott Reifert announced today that fans attending a July 11 twin bill versus the Minnesota Twins at US Cellular Field will receive a free commemorative mini-bat, unlimited ten cent Budweiser, and up to $800 Billion in federal bailout money. Billed as “Recession Demolition Night,” Reifert said the giveaway promises to be the “biggest fan attraction since 1979.”

The unique cross-promotion was the brainchild of White Sox GM Ken Williams and the Obama Administration, and Reifert said it took nearly 45 minutes of careful planning to work out the details.

“The Administration had $800 billion in unspent stimulus money, and we had a load of unsold tickets,” explained Reifert. “I guess you could say it was a real win-win situation.”

Read the whole thing at the inimitable Iowahawk. While there, enjoy his send up of our President’s exquisitely balanced stance on Iran.

Confucius, Œc. Vol.

Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.