Cower of Babel
Readers of the Gormogons are expected to have fluency in approximately 60 languages. More, perhaps, as we think of it. The reason we use so many different languages here is not because we appeal to a global audience or enjoy showing off our powerhouse intellects, but because the wide variety of complex languages is a Gormogon plot to aid us in controlling the world. Heck, a single world language would unite so many folks that even we might lose the ability to control all governments. Now you see why we hate Esperanto so much. !افسوس
As a favor, we have decided to provide a quick lexicon to the words and phrases most often used here at the Big G. Over time, we will add more: but these are a good start.
♦ 孔夫子: Chinese; the Volgi’s actual name.
♦ Царь: Russian; Your Czar
♦ Царица: Russian; The Czar’s wife, who is very nice, even if she is a teacher corrupted by unions
♦ הסוד: Hebrew; secret
♦ globalnych: Polish, global
♦ találkozó: Hungarian, meeting
♦ Ванкел ротационный мотор: Russian; the Wankel rotary engine
♦ Lütfen odamı flitletiniz: Turkish; Please have this room sprayed for insects.
♦ زیر شلواری: Farsi; underpants
♦ मुझे कौडीन से एलर्जी है: Hindi; I am allergic to codeine.
♦ Celaka! Ia melarang saya minum air itu. Indonesian: Dammit! He told me not to drink the water.
By this point, you should be able to understand roughly 81.3% of the foreign words and phrases used on this site. We shall attempt to isolate and list the remainder.
Please note: Wade-Giles is the approved transliteration for Mandarin (the language, not the Gormogon–ed.) words and phrases on this site. Not because 44% of the sounds are not pronounced as they are written, nor because it is based on the work of an amateur who never expected it to be used outside of a small academic circle, but because Pinyin is communist. Or at least it was until 2008, when Taiwan officially adopted it as well. And we hate commies more than we like the Taiwanese. Or something. The Czar recommends and uses Pinyin for its ease and simplicity, but hey…he don’t pay the bills here.
[P’in-Yin is equally arbitrary for English speakers (z = [ts]? We’re German now? d = [t]? b = [p]? j = [tɕ]? h = [x]?). It‘s also ass-ugly. So, what, now we gotta do Yale?! —Œc. Vol.]
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.