According to KMOV News in St. Louis, a 53-year-old Tampa woman shot herself in a bathroom stall when her handgun fell to the floor and fired. The bullet lodged in her leg, and she will be just fine.

Few things wrong with this story. One, how does a handgun fire when dropped? A weapon will not fire unless the trigger is pulled. Of course, if she modifies the tension on the trigger to make it real easy to fire, a sudden drop could wiggle the trigger enough to release the hammer. But if your weapon has a hair trigger, why was the weapon loaded and with no safeties on?

The Czar will tell you why. Because she did not drop it. She was in a hotel bathroom, bored, and decided to play with the weapon when it fired. Maybe she was practicing her ability to draw it and ready it for firing when her trigger finger tensed? Would explain why her holster was open. Would explain why the weapon was loaded and off safety. And how the trigger got pulled.

Thank goodness she only shot herself.

Remember this about gun shooting stories: ADs (accidental discharges) are rare. NDs (negligent discharges) are quite common—and the two terms are not interchangeable.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.