An open letter from the Czar of Muscovy to Those Who Would Claim His Title (hint: that’s you, Obama czars).

Let us be clear. Americans do not like you. You may be enjoying a brief stint of newsglow, but the luster will certainly come off soon, and the average American citizen will openly hate you all. Roger Kimball says that you are inherently un-American. He mentions (correctly) that you are an aberration around the rule of law: you are appointed by and to a single individual, with no oversight, no approval by the masses, no vetting by Congressional committees, and you do not report to the American people. This is true.

Kimball says this is worrisome because one of you proved to be a bit crooked: Steven Rattner, whether by choice or decree, is no longer the car czar due to some strong allegations about kickbacks.

First, let us say that is mild compared to John P. Holdren, the President’s science czar. This is dear to this Czar’s heart, because POTUS Obama pretended to be the science president. Actually, he was so appointed by the science media because he responded to a scientific questionnaire that McCain allegedly snubbed (McCain did respond, but this fact was concealed from the public). Ergo: Obama is pro-science. He has never denied it, but in addition to appointing Steven Chu as Secretary of energy—a guy who thinks in defiance of basic science, that a little white paint can cool the entire earth—the President has tapped Holdren as his Director of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy.

Here are some of Holdren’s science and technology policies: America is the “meanest” of first world countries, and that he will seek to prosecute global warming deniers. Stop: read that one more time. He isn’t proposing to prosecute people proven to cause global warming; he wants to take legal action against those who doubt it. Thought police, anyone?

Oh, it gets weirder. His policies, stated or not, include mandatory abortions for less productive members of society, and sterilization to limit population growth. How? By putting sterilizing agents into the water supply; he admitted that he had not yet hit upon a way to do this that would not impact animal life or more desirable people, like the elderly, by mistake. He also seems convinced that Earth is doomed: variously by thermonuclear war, ecological catastrophe, or global warming—whatever the coup d’jour fear is at the moment. His policies also include the recommendation that the mean United States de-develop so that our progress slows down to where other nations or the Earth herself can catch up.

Which leads us to second: the Czar of Muscovy, before whom all appointed czars shall surely tremble, thinks that Kimball is right about this being un-American, but does not go far enough in his accusation. Indeed, this concept of czars making unilateral and unchallenged recommendations that affect the lives of average Americans is nothing less than anti-American. Here’s why, and it ain’t hard to imagine.

Picture yourself striding into the Philadelphia Convention on 5th and Chestnut Streets in September of 1787. The final draft of the Constitution is about done, and the New Jersey delegates are already back at the hotel stealing the tiny shampoo bottles and toilet paper. You announce your proposal that Article 2 include the President’s ability to appoint individuals to positions of executive responsibility, who shall not be accountable to anyone except the President, and who can make and set public taxation and fiscal policy without the approval of the people. They shall serve at the President’s pleasure, and both influence the President’s policy as well as execute his policies. They shall be called “czars.”

“Dude,” William Jackson would say, “Do you have no recollection of what happened prior to 1776? Did you not read Section 2 of Article 2, in which we specifically discuss how Presidential ministers and consuls must be screened by Congress? Otherwise, you are creating the very type of ‘beauracracy of aristocracy’ that we fought so hard to overthrow! These czars of which you speak are exactly what Tommy mentioned in the D of I when he said ‘He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.’ You still think this is a good idea?”

So, fellow czars. You wonder why the average American detests you, and what you represent so much? If not, let this Czar spell it out for you: you are an affront to Constitution (Article 2, Section 2), and you reject the Declaration of Independence (paragraph 12). Your moonbat radical and progressive notions notwithstanding, your very existence is anti-American.

But this is getting to be the whole point, right? The Volgi reminds us that the failure of Tsarist rule in Russia was the hubris that freedom could be traded for order. The Czar of Muscovy reminds you what another czar, Aleksandr II, once predicted: It is better to give freedom from above than to wait until it is taken from below.

Slight regards,
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй

P.S. The New Jersey delegates thought they had a foolproof plan to blame it all on the Rhode Island delegates. Guess what happened?

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.