Genius, Genius I Say!
So speaks The Carbon Fibber: The Holy Obaman Empire has more Czars than Czarist Russia AND The Gormogons combined.
The Czar of Muscovy…most pleased with this line. The Carbon Fibber is hereby granted that should he ever visit and spend a night in Muscovy, there shall be no knocks on his hotel door at midnight. Enjoy a full night’s sleep without interruption or firing squad.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.