To all our readers across the United States, happy Independence Day. Nearly everyone will remind you to take a moment to remember what this day represents for all Americans. The Gormogons would also like you to remember what this day represents for the entire world: real hope and change. America changed the world like no other country before it, and it continues to do so today. And while we grouse about it to varying degrees, remember that millions of people around the world are literally risking their very lives to get here…and billions are working to make their homelands more like this one. That should be sobering.

“Guard, protect and cherish your land, for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as Heaven.”
—C.M. Russell

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.