When you see one of our not-so-carefully-hidden messages on the web, you can tell we are easily the best-known ultra-secret society.

We have invested a lot of time and money to conquer the technology of the internet. Because “antient” doesn’t have to mean old.

By the way, that should read thousands audios by Mandarin. Since that consists almost entirely of him practicing vowel sounds, rattling off the name of hundreds of people he would like to boot in the gut (some folks get mentioned five or six times…in a row), and inventing new names for variables in equations, you might consider skipping the audio tapes.

* For those who came in late, Confucius is the Volgi’s given name.
** For those who came in late, Mandarin is our resident inscrutably evil genius.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.