The Czar generally does not vacation to happy places. He did once, and was so delighted by what he found that he had the entire housekeeping staff gunned down. The Czar is not sure why he thought to say this, but no matter.

The Czar heard a “person in the street” interview on the radio early this morning, in which a woman asked “Why do they want to turn America into a European country?”

A fair question, but perhaps misinformed. The Czar does not think that the liberals want to turn America into a European country. Rather, they want to turn us into a nation like a European country. The reason why has everything to do with liberal psychology; or rather, child psychology. They are often quite similar.

Imagine a family of five going to a Disney-esque resort, with hotels, restaurants, and rides, rides, rides…along with a mass of gift shops and other money-parting offices. The dad looks around and thinks: The hotel is costing me $280 a night, the restaurant just served my oldest kid a $9 cheeseburger that she took two bites out of, and the admission to this place is $70 a person. My God, it will take five weeks of work to pay for this trip.

Simultaneously, the mom thinks: that action figure costs $15. I saw the same one at Wal-Mart for $5 last week. No wonder: look at the overhead in this place. They water the plants every six hours here. There is a person who spends an eight-hour shift every day refilling freaking ketchup in the restaurants. My local zoo has two greenskeepers: they have a platoon of landscapers for each section of this place. This is nuts.

Of course, the kids think: This is the coolest place in the world. The rides are awesome, there’s drinks and stuff to eat everywhere, and there’s a ton of TV channels in the hotel. And the hotel room has a balcony! And they have all the Space Fisters action figures! I hope we come here next year!

Get it, yet? The kids don’t care for the costs or for the complexities and overhead. All they see is fun, fun, fun. They neither see nor comprehend the backside logistics, which are ugly, cruel, and mean.

So when liberals travel to Europe—you know, to live in a dank hostel listening to Euro-Slipknot on their iPods—all they see is how cool Europe is. The trains take you everywhere, there are parties everywhere, the food is really good, and damn if Capri isn’t one of the most beautiful places to parasail. Europe is an entire enclave of vacation destinations waiting to be explored. They wish they could come here next year…or better yet, turn America into a European country!

The liberals don’t compute the oppressive taxation, the VAT that makes everyday items painfully expensive, the vast, gray, underworld of bureaucrats working to keep those trains running, dealing with the lack of resources, the huge immigration problems, the synthetic quality of living, and in short, the reality.

Don’t misunderstand the Czar: Europe (mostly) is far from a hellhole. Europeans should not be insulted. Rather, our point is that a lot of Americans see Europe as a fun time and exciting travel opportunity: they do not appreciate the tiring work, the poverty, the declining demographics, the complexity and headache of maintaining each nation in Europe. The liberals see the festive front, not the back of the house where the work gets done.

In time, liberals can grow up and leave the short-term-only rewards of child psychology behind. When they do, they realize that Europe is good and bad. When that happens, American ex-liberals begin to roll up their sleeves and decide that America isn’t broken: it just needs to be turned back on.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.