To read the Czar’s review of HR 3200, pages 701-800, please click here.

§1781(d) contains a statment that CHIP be amended by striking the phrase “legal residents” and replacing it with “lawfully residing in the United States.” That certainly expands coverage of CHIP beyond Americans to tourists and business folks with visas; but also opens up a lot of questions. What does it mean to reside lawfully? A non-citizen whose application for citizenship is being processed. Fair enough. Or a spouse or child of a citizen whose visa is being processed. Okay, perhaps. People with temporary protected status, or people here illegally who would be in greater danger if they were returned home. Ah! That can be a defense of nearly all the illegal immigrants in this country. If you are arrested by authorities for being an illegal alien, simply declare asylum because your home country is too dangerous for your family if you are returned. And if that does not work, simply declare that you are here for medical treatment—you get latitude for this today; if the government healthcare plan is footing the bill, you can stay as long as you like: jsut keep seeking medical treatment for you and your family.

Is this the intent of this section…to allow illegal aliens to get free medical treatment if their kids are ill? Probably not, but again, the slipshod writing of this provision opens a wide doorway. Ask the Democrats if this is the case, and they will again retreat on this as they have been doing on abortion, end-of-life consultation, and whether or not the plan requires you to give up your current doctor. Yeah, you didn’t think of this, did you?

But it’s good that illegals can get medicine. Can you get medicine? Well, perhaps not.

We roll right into Title VIII, Section 1801, ominously titled Disclosures to Facilitate Identification of Individuals Likely to be Ineligible for…Low-Income Assistance. So how do we know whether or not you’re poor enough to qualify for low cost medications? The Commissioner of Social Security, as well as officers and employees of the SSA, can pull the following on “any taxpayer”: tax returns with respect to wages, payments of retirement income, filing status, number of dependents, income from self-employment or farming, the social security number of a spouse, any financial data on partnerships, trusts, estates, and S corporations of the individual or the spouse, and such other return information to help establish whether you are ineligible for prescription drugs under the low-income subsidy. Want to buy medication and can’t afford it? Fine: let’s see your tax returns—and your spouse’s—for the last three years. Papiere, bitte. Boy, that phrase keeps coming back.

If you need a cocktail of drugs for chemotherapy, better bring your accountant along. Buy Celebrex: get a free tax audit!

This leap into your recent financial history, of course, is nothing personal: it’s just to eliminate fraud and waste. Because you can trust some underpaid agency temp who has access to all your financial data. If, by this point, you still support ObamaCare, please let the Czar look at all your tax returns since 2005. Why not? You know us better than the person who will be looking at it.

Could anything be more intrusive than government flunkies looking at your financial information to see if you make too much money for their tastes? Yes! Check out §440: Home Visitation Programs for Families With Young Children and Families Expecting Children.

In an effort to improve your kids’ happiness, and better identify cases of abuse or neglect (even before it happens, in the case of people expecting kids), unspecified people will be coming to your house to inspect it. Of course, this is a “high quality” program, as evidenced by the number of times that phrase is repeated. Yes, home visitations—a term usually related to poltergeists—will provide parents with instruction in child development, child psychology, good parenting, skills building in talking to kids, how to play with them, and so on. The Czar can’t wait for some federal workers to ask why his six-year-old is playing an Xbox 360 game rated T, just before he welcomes them into the family room with a loaded shotgun.

So here we are. HR 3200 wants to look deeply, closely, intimately, into your financial dealings. You know, just to be sure you aren’t secretly rich. And if you have kids, there’s no reason that a couple of 20-somethings can’t drive up to your door and demand to see them, how you dress them, feed them, and let them play. Because if you aren’t doing things the right Federal way, you could possibly lose the kids to an agency who will find someone much more liberal to raise them right.

Next, we’ll be doing a bit more work, as we have 117 pages to read.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.