So check this out. The US Air Force has toyed with the idea of putting a high powered laser on the nose of an aircraft for a long time. The problem with this is that air has enough particulate matter to distort lasers over long distances. The further you fire the beam, the more the dust and smoke and pollen distorts the laser so that it scatters and weakens badly.

Now what do you do? The USAF simply figured this out: put a laser on a Boeing 747-400F, and fire three lasers simultaneously. The first, the COIL, is a chemical oxygen iodine laser powerful enough to destroy a hefty target from miles away. To prevent the scattering effect, a second laser called the TILL (track illuminating laser) locks onto the target and determines the distance so the COIL knows what to hit. The third laser, the becon illuminating laser (or BILL), studies the light reflected off the target by the TILL, and then measures how much scattering and distortion and scintillation is occuring at that precise moment. Then, just as we use adaptive optics with earthbound telescopes, mirrors pre-distort the COIL beam so that as it travels…the effects of the atmosphere distort it back into its original, lethal, and precise shape.

People say that astronomy never produced anything useful. Are you kidding? When you weaponize astronomy, it gets very cool indeed!

(The Mandarin regrets he didn’t think of this first. I did however manage to weaponize a lawn sprinkler, but couldn’t find a hose long enough to orbit it. But we are making progress!)

The Mandarin

The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.

The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.

The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.