Despite the impressive but oddly emphatic promise to increase military presence in Afghanistan, CinC Obama is now holding off on sending additional troops at what Gen. Stanley McChrystal considers a critical moment. No doubt the President is going to base his crucially global security decision on what the latest polls say about American attitudes toward Afghanistan. That Democractic standby plan worked well for Clinton’s military strategy, although he enjoyed far more popularity than Obama; perhaps basing decisions on popularity polls is a risky move for the dwindling POTUS44.

The CinC is not alone in his angst: numerous Democrats who were vociferously in favor of ramping up American strength in Afghanistan are now holding back their belligerence as well, especially since the Republicans made the unanticipated move of supporting the President’s give ‘em hell pledge. When the Party of No says Yes, Absolutely, the Democrats suddenly have no teeth in their tantrum. Now what to do?

The bullshit indecisiveness is not limited to our President and his party: NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen (not necessarily the guy who does the polls our President hates) agrees with McChrystal that thousands of troops are needed right now to train the Afghans to fight their own battles. That said, the Czar is not so certain that Afghan troops are uniformly trainable. Rasmussen, like so many general throughout history, seem to err on the notion that Afghanistan is a single nation that wants to be a single nation rather than what it is: a loose collection of regional players who serve only their own interests coincidentally sharing the same national border. Picture Iraq’s three cultures times about seven, and you have an idea of how hard Afghanistan is to pacify.

Whatever. The irony here is that many folks think NATO lacks the stomach for Afghanistan. At the same time, reports come in about Spain, England, Germany, and others convinced that cleaning up Afghanistan is the right way to go. What’s the truth?

The Czar sees it like this. The leaders of NATO countries recognize the brutal urgency to correct the mess that Afghanistan made for itself. The residents of those countries see things differently, and are making it clear that political fortunes will be made or lost based on what that particular country does about Afghanistan. And NATO itself? That, friends, is a third issue.

That third issue is the sad truth that NATO lacks the stomach to fight. NATO, like the UN, is a Eurocentric gentleman’s club with a very simple organizational concept: the United States is responsible to protect us, take care of us, and basically let us live out out happy liberal lives. “If the Soviet Union ever rolls into Europe to turn us communist, America will take care of everything so that we can go back to installing socialism.”

Unfortunately, none of the European NATO countries had a backup plan if the Soviet Union would—inconceivable!—go away, that Russia would turn its attentions elsewhere, and that America would need their help now. NATO is like that jerk-ass friend who calls you up everytime he moves to a new apartment, and has you carry up sleeper sofas, pianos, and boxes of books up three flights of stairs while he carries a couple of pillows up the elevator; then, when you sell your place, he is nowhere to be found that weekend.

Except Canada. They still help whenever they can. But Europeans pissed away their defense budgets on socialized healthcare, housing, and welfare absolutely convinced that if the Soviets ever invaded, it wouldn’t matter a jot whether you had an army a million strong or fifty strong, because you would get crushed in the first 24 hours until the Americans pushed some button on some computer somewhere and the Soviets disappeared in a blue but slightly pleasant flash of light.

And now Poot-Poot is trying on some new armored gloves, but the Americans are tied up in Iraq and Afghanistan. “And they have the nerve to ask for our help?”

Italy thought that might be doable. They sent almost 3,000 soldiers to help out with any coffee drinking, shoe modeling, and porn reading the Americans might be too busy to undertake themselves. All was going well until six Italian soldiers were tragically killed in a suicide bombing. Now the Italians—in both locations—want Italian troops home now. The Czar is saddened by the loss of 1st Corporal Major Matteo Mureddu, 1st Corporal Major Davide Ricchiuto, Liutenant Antonio Fortunato, Sargeant Major Roberto Valente, 1st Corporal Major Giandomenico Pistonami, and Corporal Major Massimiliano Randino—this is one of the few places you will find their names even listed—but humbly reminds the outraged reader that six soldiers represents seven-tenths of one percent of American lives. No, Italy, we don’t think those lives are less expensive than American ones. Yes, Italy, even one death is rough: but this is just as much your war as ours. And war is awful. But you seem to think, like so many NATO members, that it is America’s job to die for you.

Keep this very much in mind, Europe. If Mad Vlad decides to start putting the hurt back on Europe, America might be too busy to help you. We might have time for Spain, Poland, Ukraine, and the other countries who get it. And Canada. They’re team players, too.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.