Know who else was over at the Castle Gormogon today? Patrick from Popehat! He came by to borrow the Volgi’s Etruscan For Business Travelers and mentioned to us that your Czar is the best candidate for Czar:

What Democratic and Republican politicians need is a real Czar. A Tsar, if you will, one who understands the knout, and how to deal with Pugachev and his like. Rather than a Czar in charge of creating hundreds of thousands of new criminals overnight, perhaps we could have a real Tsar, one who punishes only those guilty of the hubris of believing they’re wise enough to control everyone else, while showing mercy and love to the people of Russia.

I know just the Tsar to do it.

And whom do you think he picked? ♥♥♥♥♥

But screw Russia. This Czar is only the Czar of Muscovy. Even Bolingbrook is too much for us to handle mos days. Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. That’s it.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.