There’s nothing better than someone tying a note to a brick and hurling it through the front window of the Castle Gormogon. Unless of course it goes through an open bedroom window and wallops ‘Puter smack in the head. God, that’s funny up until GorT starts laughing with that weird metallic sound he makes that silences the rest of the room.

Silences all except ’Puter, who knelt down clutching his forehead screaming out the F-word a few times. “Who throws bricks?” he demanded.

Well, today’s brick comes from Castle visitor SF, who scrawled in sheep’s* blood:

Don know who the frak you guys are but any bunch that recognizes that Val Kilmer is a genius and a great master for his portrayal of Doc Holliday in Tombstone and most likely deserves entrance to heaven for same no matter what else he has effed up in life …. deserves my attention.

Then, politely but succinctly, he signs it Hi.

Hi yourself, SF, and thanks. Glad to have you aboard. We don know what took you so long to find us! SF no doubt heard our subliminal adds on WBML-AM radio. Yeah, that’s a Gormogon station. You need proof? WBML—lower each letter by one.

PS: ’Puter says “&#%@!”

You’re probably not going to get the brick back.

*Well, it tasted like sheep entrails anyway.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.