New York Constitutional Amendment Proposal
New York state is being strangled by current and out year pension obligations. In just about any other state, assuming the requisite political will, the state could alter the pension obligations. Not in New York.
Article V, Section 7 of the Constitution of the State of New York reads “§7. After July first, nineteen hundred forty, membership in any pension or retirement system of the state or of a civil division thereof shall be a contractual relationship, the benefits of which shall not be diminished or impaired.” This means that once a state employee starts working, he is guaranteed the pension scheme in effect at the time he started, regardless of the state’s future ability to pay. Nice work if you can get it.
‘Puter proposes the following Constitutional Amendment be placed on the next ballot.
Article V, Section 7 of the Constitution of the State of New York is hereby repealed, and replaced with the following: “Any state pension or retirement benefit provided by the state or a civil division thereof must be a defined contribution plan, except as follows. Current retirees may maintain their current pensions or retirement benefits. Current employees may retain their current pensions or retirement benefits, but only to the extent they are vested, and at such benefit levels as they may achieve, as of July 1, 2011 at which point any non-compliant pensions or retirement benefits shall terminate. The defined contribution to be made to the state pension or as a retirement benefit shall be a matter of negotiation between employees and employers. Neither the state nor its civil divisions shall be obligated to continue to offer any pension plan or retirement benefit whatsoever, except as may be negotiated between employees and employers.”
It will never happen, because it makes too much sense.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.