All Right: We Comply
The Federal Trade Commission now expects blogs to reveal any endorsements they get or receive to reveal potential conflicts of interests. Very well.
孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) receives free catalogs from Obscurity Press, in return for positive reviews of their books on crypto-linguistics. He also receives, and eats, a product from 墓穴 Foods called K’a P’ao Chow. The Czar believes 墓穴 means “tombstone,” which is a very odd coincidence given who was in that movie. He appears to endorse Lo Pan Imports, but in fact he despises them.
GorTechie receives KL 93, a strong plexiglass-like substance that fails to hold him, from an unnamed military contractor. Most of the products he receives cannot be listed here because, technically, he will not receive them for three more millennia.
The Mandarin endorses Tobor’s foam packing material in return for promotional consideration. Evidently, this is the best colloid for creating a transmuting ring resonator. The FTC is welcome to explain that to anyone.
Ghettoputer has, incredibly, no promotional tie ins, even with Sanrio, the Hello Kity folks. Odd that. He rejected a free car wash with full priced oil change from Hoselton Nissan. Keep an eye on his dimwitted lickspittle (and research assistant), Sleestack, who seems to go into ‘Puter’s room with cases of George Dickle that never come back out.
The Czar rejects your pathetic products. Except for one. He is a major proponent of a product called Ocean Potion, which really freaking works. Except he paid for his jumbo bottle in 2001 at some beach store in Shallote, NC, that had a sand driveway. But if they were to send more to him, he would welcome it and continue to rave about their product. Thinking along those lines, he also enjoys Powers Irish whiskey, if anyone wanted to send a case of the Gold Label stuff his way. The Czar would have no trouble endorsing that. And the Czar would welcome Korean food from his favorite Muscovy hole-in-the-wall eatery 킬멜s. Again, these are not existing conflicts of interest; the Czar would like them to be.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.