Item the First:

The Czar notes the following text: “Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex.”

Evidently, a threesome between ‘Puter and two women, or casual bisexuality is okay, though. Curious wording.

Item the Second:

Yes, ‘Puter, liberals believe you are silly and mockable for believing in an all-powerful spirit that is immortal, omnipotent, and omniscient.

Had you chosen to believe in crystal healing, chakra, astrology, druidism, witchcraft, satanism, tantric yoga, veganism, multiple gods, or spiritism, you would have been very welcome among liberals. For those are not silly.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.