The Czar has been keeping an eye on things for a while. If he were an idiot, he might be inclined to think that:

 —The stimulus package has saved 650 trillion jobs, simply because the White House says so.

 —The recession has ended forty-four times since August, 2008.

 —The government can provide excellent health care services based on how well it has distributed flu vaccines to all fifty-six people in the United States.

 —We need to be careful about sending troops to Afghanistan, because we would not want to start a war there like we did with Iraq.

 —There are billions of Americans dying in the streets because it costs $9,000 a band-aid, and insurance companies will not cover them because they are not wealthy. A public option would allow unemployed people to get insurance for free.

 —Guantamo has been closed.

 —Nancy Pelosi, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter work closely with Barack Obama and are part of the Democrats’s A-team.

 —Faux News makes up all these stories, because if President Obama ever screwed up, CNN, MSNBC, CBS, and ABC would be quick to report it.

 —President Obama is the most popular president the country has ever had.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.