Women of America, you don’t need those pesky mammograms!

Heck, odds are most of you will die of heart-disease anyway. Wait until you’re 50, at least, before getting that annual mammogram. That fact that early detection frequently increases your odds of successful treatment is not nearly as important as preventing the psychological trauma of a false positive!

Besides, getting an x-ray once a year is dangerous. Those things are weird, and put nasty x-ray particles in you. And who knows what they do?

Trust the presidential taskforce, and skip those annoying treatments so that we can lower the cost of healthcare a few million a year from the many trillions it will cost.

Also, ingrown toe nail sufferers: how much walking do you really need to do?

On the other hand, the Czar recommends that women 40 and up get annual mammograms as you have been doing. He may not be a doctor, but he evidently knows more about science and medicine than our President.

Look at it this way: everything the taskforce says is arguable. Every reason for getting annual mammograms earlier than 50 is certain.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.