The Czar has decided to watch the Ninth Season of American Idol, fearing that the show is likely to come off the rails any second. So far, they have kept to the old format, but we understand major changes are forthcoming that may turn old fans off.

Anyway, the Czar has little to say about the premiere because it retains the usual mix of morons and raw talent in predictable amounts. But tonight’s special guest judge was Victoria Beckham, who sat scarecrow like in her chair, demonstrating a wide range of Botoxed emotional expressions by not moving a single facial muscle. In the spirit of a challenge, the Czar would challenge you to pick out the photo of Beckham from the choices below. It proved way too tough at the Castle, so we have added hints.

Wrong. This is the Other Mom from Coraline.	Nope! This is a mantid.	Yep! Here she is! This might be a live video feed; hard to tell.	Close! This is an alien from Close Encounters.

On the other hand, her zombie-like personality made both GorT and Mandarin interested in whatever diabolical technology brought her back to life from the 1990s.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.