Money Well Spent, Redux
A new Usāmah bin Lādin tape has appeared.
The Czar has not listened to all of it yet (too many narcissistic instrumental tracks, and his new stuff just is not as catchy as his older cuts), but so far the gist of the tape is this:
Bin Ladin wants you to know that he does not look like some effeminate, aging Spanish legislator.
Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.