‘Puter On Sen. Reid
By now, the Gormogons’ well-informed readership will have read Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s (D-NV) comments regarding his handicap of the 2008 presidential election.
For those who have joined us late, Sen. Reid stated now-President Obama had a good chance to win the election because President Obama is “light-skinned” and spoke without a “Negro dialect.” Nice going, Sparky.
‘Puter’s going to take a different tack on this controversy. ‘Puter’s not going to delve into whether Sen. Reid is a horrible racist (Republican meme) or a misunderstood champion of minority rights (Democrat meme). ‘Puter thinks Sen. Reid should be pilloried for these statements because they illustrate the depth and breadth of his cluelessness and stupidity.
If you have been alive and sentient at any point during the last 60 or so years, you may have noticed that America and its racial history has been something of an issue. See, e.g., civil rights movement, Selma, Rosa Parks, MLK, March on Washington, Tawana Brawley, Rodney King, O.J., affirmative action, etc. For a sitting United States Senator to think that such remarks, even if true, would be anything other than unnecessarily inflammatory shows just how out of touch the speaker has become.
Based solely on his cluelessness, Sen. Reid’s remarks show he has overstayed his welcome in Washington. And he’s not the only one.
** Picture Caption: “Jesus will make a fine Savior. He’s a light-skinned Jew who speaks without a Galilean dialect. He can practically pass for Roman.”
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.