Gormogon operative JS writes in, taking time from a very special mission of overseeing work on our underwater base on the Atlantic seabed. Sorry, Illinois, for the earthquake yesterday. Since no one was hurt, we can safely admit that was ours.

Dear Mr. The Czar,

In your latest missive you mentioned that “should liberals open a history book, they might not like what they find.” Unfortunately, this is incorrect. Liberals currently write the history books, and so probably love what they read- simply look up anything about the French Revolution or the Inquisition or any manner of topics. You will find all manner of liberal revisionism.

I think what you meant to say was “should liberals have an accurate sense of history…&#148′. Just a note, kind Overlord.

Hah! Well, JS makes an astonishingly good point here. Since the Wikipedia-zation of history took place a long time ago, the Czar forgets that not everyone reads the same history books he does. The fact is, when the Czar opens the average history book, he often does not like what he finds…particularly when it is a distorted account of something he himself lived through and remembers quite differently.

This is a problem when you are centuries older than the historians writing the accounts. The things the Czar could tell you about the Zulu War would make your skin crawl.

Also, a note of congratulations to JS on recent progress: we hear that the walkway that dumps victims into a shark tank worked perfectly on the first try, even though leaks still plague the shop galleries. As soon as we get those pesky leaks fixed, we will have the first secret undersea base with thousands of square feet of mixed retail space open to the public.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.