Re: Amendment 2: Electric Boogaloo
‘Puter’s treading lightly here to avoid setting the Czar off, and causing a new Tunguska Event, but ‘Puter respectfully disagrees with Czar’s reading of the NYT editorial.
First, the Bill of Rights was incorporated against the states by the Fourteenth Amendment, thereby applying all the Bill of Rights protections to citizens of the United States, in whatever state residing. All of the Bill of Rights, that is, except the Second Amendment. ‘Puter reads the editorial as stating the obvious: if one (or more) of the Bill of Rights is incorporated agains the states, they all must be. It’s sweet to envision the editorial board’s gnashing of teeth and rending of garments as it acknowledged the inherent logic of this position. Ah, schadenfreude.
Second, Czar is exactly correct in his analysis of where a gun ban overturn will lead: years of litigation as courts are required to tamp down overly aggressive replacement regulatory schemes. Post-Heller jurisprudence is going to make the courts Goldilocks. That is, which infringement of our Second Amendment rights is neither too hot nor too cold, but just right.
Third, a ‘Puter freebie. If you want to make a bleeding heart hippie apopleptic when discussing gun rights, as her where in the Constitution she finds the word “abortion.” When she has to admit “abortion” is nowhere to be found, helpfully point her to the Second Amendment where you base your argument for gun rights. Then ask whose claim is more persuasive. ‘Puter’s lost many a potential date that way.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.