Re: It’s For The Children
In his typically insightful fashion, Gormogon operative D.T. writes concerning this post of ‘Puter’s from yesterday regarding the ulcerous cankers that are teachers’ unions. D.T. writes:
Oh Wise and Mighty Puter of the Ghetto, Sir:
The very first line of the above-mentioned epistle gave me gooseflesh (as many of your writings do, in truth). Whenever someone advances an argumentum pro liberes it seems wise to keep one hand on your wallet and the other on your liberty. Can we agree on a swift boot to the gut whenever someone tries it? Or, perhaps, a boot to the lap?
With Warm Regards, and Reverential Fear, I remain your loyal servant.
Now that’s how an operative should write a report to your Gormogons. High quality ass-kissery, coupled with useful suggestions regarding lap-booting (a new gut-booting variant Mandy will soon be rolling out).
In response to D.T.’s “one hand on your wallet and the other on your liberty,” ‘Puter couldn’t agree more. Unless D.T., like GorT, has a third hand he can keep on his Interdimensional Matter Expropriator, Model 2053.
Keep up the good work stealthily undermining teh intarweb’s infrastructure in the Downstate tri-state megalopolis, D.T.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.