Subversive ‘Puter Thoughts For The Day
Here are some small pieces of ‘Puter’s twisted mind for your perusal this fine afternoon.
1. All United States citizens over the age of 18 should be require to file income tax returns, regardless of whether they earned any income or not. The minimum payment would be a nominal $1.00 tax. It encourages buy in to our system of government.
1(a). As an alternative to idea 1 above, if you don’t pay income taxes, you don’t get to vote. Again, if you don’t have skin in the game, you don’t get to play.
2. Anyone receiving any sort of government social assistance should be required to write a thank you letter to an anonymous taxpayer once a year as an eligibility requirement. Reintroducing shame, or at least acknowledgment that your “free” benefits aren’t, can’t hurt in getting people off welfare.
There are more thoughts rattling aroung in ‘Puter’s head, but they’re not particularly appropriate for a family blog. Even this slightly off Gormogon family blog.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.