It’s For The Children. Again.
Miami teachers’ union members have staged a sickout to protest working conditions. What’s the horrible work condition? It’s something every single non-unionized private sector employee copes with just fine: merit pay.
The Florida legislature passed by an overwhelming margin, and Gov. Charlie Crist (R-FL) signed, a law mandating that half a teacher’s annual evaluation be based upon students’ test performances. Being accountable for their work product was too much for our unionized brethren to stand, so rather than manning up and striking, they chickened out and staged a sickout.
Gov. Crist is currently getting his hat handed to him in the Republican primary for a soon to be vacant U.S. Senate seat in Florida. If Gov. Crist wanted to vault back into the race, he’d get all Ronald Reagan-on-PATCO on the teachers and fire those who took part in the sick out. He’d in all likelihood break the union on this issue, and garner plaudits from the conservative press.
But what the heck does ‘Puter know about politics, anyway. The only thing ‘Puter knows for certain is that unions (not the individual teachers) don’t give a damn about the kids; they’re in it for the money.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.