Move Over, Megan
‘Puter’s got a new crush: New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R-NJ). Well, maybe not a full-fledged crush. More like a deep and abiding respect coupled with a fierce loyalty. Why, you ask?
Read Bill McGurn in today’s Wall Street Journal. Mr. McGurn likens Gov. Christie to a younger (and living) Ronald Reagan. Gov. Christie is unapologetically confronting New Jersey’s gaping budget deficit, taking on entrenched special interests.
And, if that’s not enough, catch this clip of Gov. Christie on MSNBC’s Morning Joe this morning. [Gormogons, embed this for ‘Puter. He’s incapable of effectively utilizing even basic technology {Voilà. —ŒV.}].
It’s a long clip, but worth every second of time you spend. Gov. Christie manages to get Mike Barnicle, Aaron Ross Sorkin, Willie Geist and Joe Scarborough to all agree with the governor’s plan to make the unions accept reality.
The governor’s plan? Require teachers to take a one year pay freeze. Also, teachers would be required to contribute 1.5% of their income to their health insurance. Currently, teachers receive free family medical, dental and vision coverage. Free. For life.
It is an inflection point when a fiscal conservative silences liberal objections to making public employees shoulder their fair share of the burden. It’s less like a silencing and more like a public shaming.
America needs more Chris Christies. And ‘Puter makes this special plea to Gov. Christie. When you’re done cleaning up New Jersey’s mess, please move across the river to New York and run for governor.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.