Otherwise, we’d be having to manhunt the Czar in England. Why? The fair English rose at right would be a Czar magnet. Let’s go down the list of desiderata:

• Cute

Laura Hall, 20

Sure, cute enough. plus a low-cut blouse.

• A fancier of fermented libations

A woman has become the first person to be banned from buying or drinking alcohol anywhere in England and Wales.
Laura Hall, 20, was issued with a Drinking Banning Order – nicknamed Booze Asbos – which bars her from entering any pub, club, off-licence or bar.

Oh hellz yeah.

• Crazy

She has been convicted of a series of public order offences, and had flouted bans from pubs and clubs through local Pub-Watch schemes in her home town of Bromsgrove, Worcestershire.

Cute, drunk, and bat-shit crazy. It’s like she’s some robot from the future designed to induce the Czar into making terrible life decisions.

Robot from th—GorT? GorT!

Dude, not cool. Also, you may need to recalibrate. You needed to drop her nearer Muscovy about a decade ago…

Confucius, Œc. Vol.

Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu.