Dr. J. tied this to a rock and threw it through our cafeteria window, comedically perfect because GorT was just complaining that there wasn’t enough silicate matter in his eggs. Then the rock smashed through the window, covering him and his scrambled eggs with glass. The Czar practically peed on the floor with laughter.

Dear Czar,

If the ESB were lit up red and yellow so as to provide stock footage for the upcoming release of the “Red Dawn” remake, I’d be cool with it, but I just know it ain’t so…

Best,
Dr. J

P.S. – If the ESB were lit up in red, black and white, that would be a real problem…

Yes, yes, it would be a real problem. The Czar never much cared for Bismarck Germany and its red, black, and white color scheme. Or that whatshisface guy who came after.

P.S. Wolverines!

Respectfully, I was referring to the Blackhawks.

Evidently, Dr. J. believes the Blackhawks are secretly supporters of German imperlialism? This is paranoia fully worthy of a Gormogon! Excellent work. Truly his hatred of the late Bill Wirtz knows no bounds!

I only irrationally hate the Dallas Cowboys, NY Mets, Boston Celtics, and maybe the Braves. The rest of my hates are founded on sound logic and reason.

The Czar is not sure that there is anything irrational about hating the Dallas Cowboys.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.