Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Monkeys of War….
According to this article over at WorldNetDaily, Afghanistan’s Taliban terrorists are training monkeys to shoot at American soldiers.
Apparently, the information regarding these simian soldiers comes from British and Chinese media agencies.
The Chinese report states that the Taliban forces have figured out how to train monkeys to shoot at American troops. The use of monkeys as shock troops by the Taliban is meant both as a means to counter U.S. drone attacks and to, “arouse Western animal protectionists to pressure their governments to withdraw troops from Afghanistan.”
The article also goes on to state, “The Chinese People’s Daily suggested the attack of killer monkeys in Afghanistan was payback for Americans who first used “monkey soldiers” in Vietnam.” Well, your Mandarin who happens to have studied the Vietnam conflict in depth does not recall the U.S. deploying platoons of M-16 wielding monkeys. Then again, your Mandarin can only hope that this is not some veiled racist reference by the Chinese regarding minority members of the U.S. armed forces.
Your Mandarin would have thought that with the monkey’s innate ability to hurl feces great distances that it would have been a no brainer to get them to throw hand grenades. I mean really, I know that an AK-47 has a banana clip magazine, but this is really ridiculous.
The use of monkeys as soldiers is a slippery slope – no doubt due to all of the discarded banana peels – to ever increasing levels of depravity in war. Next thing you know we will be using three-toed sloths to gather military intelligence, marmosets for sabotage operations, and winged unicorns to deliver tactical nuclear bombs with pin-point precision.
The Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced the Gormogons into England during the 18th Century.
The Mandarin enjoys spending time with his pet manticore, Βάρἰκος, or Barry (who can be found in the Bestiary). When not in the Castle…well, frankly, nobody is quite sure where he goes.
The Mandarin popularized the fine art of “gut booting,” by which he delivers a powerful kick to the stomach of anyone that annoys him. Although nearly universal today, the act of gut booting or threatening someone or something with a gut boot is solely due to him.