Dear Czar,

Happy Independence Day!

Dr. J, Mrs. Dr. J (who if you recall is even to the right of Dr. J), and the little interns went to Whole Foods today to stock up on grillables for the rest of the weekend and stumbled upon this confection in the bakery section. You can be sure, it will be adorning our table as we sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to the U.S. of A.

We shop at Whole Foods, not to hope to run into former Vice President, and alleged philanderer, Al Gore, nor because we are a bunch of tree hugging hippies, rather, because they have a really good butcher and fresh produce.

Back to the cake. I was shocked to see the ‘Hateful Insignia of the Tea Baggers’ adorning a cake at Whole Foods, but then I recalled the so-called controversy that embroiled CEO John Mackey when he penned this thoughtful Wall Street Journal editorial last year.

Progressives were screaming louder than the mouthless Hello Kitty for his head. He found a new customer base in conservatives with cash.

His 8 point plan just about sums up Dr. J’s prescription for health care reform. My only MAJOR difference is that I would permit individuals and families to put away $5,000 per year pre tax for HSA’s. Giving the individual skin in the game will do more to making healthcare affordable than any other action could. $4 prescriptions at Walmart made a ‘generic drug’ hating society crave the discount for perfectly fine pharmaceutical choices.

I interpreted the Don’t Tread on Me cake as a combination of clever marketing to his conservative customers in the New Atlantis store (as it was selling out), but also a clever editorial message directed at President Obama.

Warmest Regards,
Dr. J
Royal Surgeon to the Gormogons

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.