Dearest readers:

The Gormogons are pleased to announce that we are mere days away from GCon MMX. As you ticket holders know, we will be meeting at the Plateau of Leng this year. Festivities begin today (Thursday) at 0900 and continue until sunset, Monday, when the shofar blows.

The bad news is for you non-ticket holders. Because the Castle is fully booked and we have all these special events going on, we will be diverting our attention to this the next few days.

As a tragic result, we shall be posting quite sparingly…and some of us not at all…until Monday. We beg your indulgence during this brief period.

To keep you going, we have asked GorT and his time technology to compile our responses to the top five items that will occupy most of our readers’ minds in the next few days. The answers to most of your questions are:

1. Absolutely, but what do you expect from the most honest, ethical and open Congress evah?

2. Third shelf, far right, behind the aspirin.

3. Yes, and his picture is right here. Freaking moron.

4. Nope. The Volgi will post on it probably around late August, though, so check back.

5. This is why we call it the Obama Amateur Hour.

Please keep in mind the site will not be shutting down; there will the odd post here and there, and we will certainly read any and all emails to us. Replies, though, may be late and hint strongly of a lack of sobriety.

The Czar of Muscovy

Божію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of Boris Mikhailovich, who replaced Alexander Yaroslav Nevsky in 1263. However, in 1283, our Czar was passed over due to a clerical error and the rule of all Russia went to his second cousin Daniil (Даниил Александрович), whom Czar still resents. As a half-hearted apology, the Czar was awarded control over Muscovy, inconveniently located 5,000 miles away just outside Chicago. He now spends his time seething about this and writing about other stuff that bothers him.