‘Puter’s been checking out teh intarwebs lately, and can’t help but note the overweening focus on race. First, a few goofy items, then ‘Puter’s take generally.

According to ABC News, if you are anti-illegal immigration, you’re a racist. Seriously, ABC News thinks that the Arizona law (seeking to enforce existing federal immigration law) turns regular old (presumably white) folks into racist mobs, bent on beating down any Hispanic they may encounter. Way to use one episode of violence in Staten Island as a basis to generalize about all white people in the entire country. That certainly helps race relations, ABC News.

The ever-amusing Eugene Robinson picks on one Tea Partier and his unacceptably racist rant, claiming it was the NAACP’s actions that spurred the Tea Party to kick him out. Maybe so, though it’s apparent that Mr. Robinson penned his piece prior to Andrew Breitbart’s disclosure of blatant racism in the NAACP. Surely Mr. Robinson wouldn’t ignore a racist government official addressing a like-minded gathering of the NAACP in order to advance his thesis that Tea Partiers are all racists at heart.

Jonathan Capehart in the Washington Post posits a thought experiment that ends with this conclusion: were the Tea Parties predominantly black, The Man would be all over them. Mr. Capehart proposes this thought experiment in order to have us discuss race and learn from our discussion. Fine, Mr. Capehart.

Here’s ‘Puter thought on race and racism. They are pithy and not intended to cover each and every possible issue. Nor are these to be taken as any sort of denial of America’s past racism. It’s just ‘Puter’s take on what’s currently sticking in his craw.

1. Most Americans right now don’t give a fig about the color of your skin. Racism is not the malign cancer it was 50 years ago. Don’t pretend it is. There is no legal institutional racism left. Racists exist, but they are correctly reviled and marginalized in all sectors of the country. They are the vestigal tail of America’s racist past, the bitter enders.

2. Most serious race baiting today comes from the left, not the right. It is not conservatives who insist on the primacy of a person’s ethnicity; it’s liberals. Heck, entire sectors of the leftist establishment are based on an overt racial spoils system. Just ask the Congressional Black Caucus, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, etc. According to this mindset, possessors of the correct skin pigmentation get benefits based solely on that basis, not on whether they actually need the benefit. Liberals’ race-based focus destroys traditional American meritocracy, and that’s poisonous both to the country as a whole, but perhaps more importantly to the recipients themselves.

3. Groups that are based solely on racial identity (NAACP, La Raza, etc.) do more harm to race relations than good today. These groups care not one whit about the communities they purport to represent. They care solely about advancing their own power. They are rent-seekers of the worst kind. And, by the way, seeking to advance individuals based solely on the color of their skin is racist by definition. Chew on that.

4. Educational access is the sole remaining civil rights issue in America today. Kids in poor neighborhoods receive poor educations. Poor kids are disproportionately minorities. Poorly educated adults become/remain poor themselves. It’s an equation so simple even ‘Puter understands it. Solve the education issue, and the rest of the problems will solve themselves. Of course, those who are standing in the schoolhouse door are liberals. Don’t believe ‘Puter? Look at the Democrat-controlled Congress shutting down the DC School Voucher Program at the best of its teachers’ union henchmen.

5. You’d better have damned near unassailable proof before you call someone a racist. Proof like that nice USDA official telling the NAACP how she hosed a white farmer to further the perceived interest of the black community. If you don’t have solid proof and are merely casting aspersions, ‘Puter thinks them’s fightin’ words and you ought get the beating you richly deserve.

Of course, according to critical race theory, ‘Puter’s thoughts are those of a middle-aged white guy, so they may be freely ignored as inauthentic. Why? Because ‘Puter’s a card-carrying member of the white male oppressor class, don’t you know.

Feel free to drop ‘Puter a line to let him know how racist you think he is. But make sure you’ve got your ducks in a row first, or he’s likely to implement point 5 on your @ss.

'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.

’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.

The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.

His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.

He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.

Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.

‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.