State Department Fail
Well, holy crap. Thanks, Secretary Clinton and your brain-damaged Foggy Bottom minions. Let’s just chuck this entire “America” concept right out the window. Let’s allow every feel-good special interest group with a grievance against The Man to issue its own passports.
Where do we stop now? What’s the rational basis for refusing similar privileges to the Sioux or the Ho-Chunks or the Navajo? What about Blacks or Hawaiians or Hispanics or the LGBT community?
‘Puter can’t wait for the poor, misunderstood, persecuted NAMBLA fellows to inisist that because of The Man’s refusal to recognize their differently-ordered sexuality (read, pedophilia), that they should get to issue their own passports.
America was founded on the notion that our first identity should be American. It’s fine to be something else (or many other things), but we are all Americans first. It is our country’s unifying concept, one that’s kept us together through thick and thin. However, liberal Democrats don’t believe in this unity anymore. To them, we are not Americans first. We’re gay or black or Catholic or Jewish or whatever before we are Americans. Rather than focus on what unites us, liberal Democrats have shown again and again that they are intent on dividing us.
Americans should be outraged about Secretary Clinton’s actions. We should also thank her for clearly demonstrating the Left’s disregard for our national identity. Remember this come November.
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.